A few short days ago I began to look at things from a new perspective. Not a perspective in a traditional sense. I didn't "put myself in another persons shoes", I didn't find god. I'm not viewing things from a bird's eye view...
I had a single experience that would soon shake the very fucking foundation of what I thought was real.
I started thinking.
I've been thinking about everything. Eh ver ee thing.
And rather than explain my thought process's and try to paint you an intricate picture of what you could only perceive as a watered down version of slipping sanity; I will leave you with this quote. Which I have found to be quite cognitively provoking, if you will.
"A believer is not a thinker and a thinker is not a believer."
- Marian Noel Sherman,M.D.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
100 reasons why being a guy is awesome.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment".
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
You never have to clean a toilet.
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president...in this lifetime.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
Same work...more pay!
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote control is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
ESPN's SportsCenter.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Diana's death was just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
Baywatch
There's always a game on somewhere.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment".
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
You never have to clean a toilet.
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president...in this lifetime.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
Same work...more pay!
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote control is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
ESPN's SportsCenter.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Diana's death was just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
Baywatch
There's always a game on somewhere.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
The lord is my weapon.
What if I had everything you wanted and chose to give you nothing? That would be something...
So here I am, in moses lake, it's been a month and a half since i came to washington. Way too many tweakers here, but I guess you'll find those people everywhere you go...just not in your own family.
On a happier note, I met someone. She's amazing and incredibly cryptic which I find quite pleasing.
The End.
P.s. The next person to call me emo will be smothered to death with their own pillow while they sleep. Thank you.
-Preston.
So here I am, in moses lake, it's been a month and a half since i came to washington. Way too many tweakers here, but I guess you'll find those people everywhere you go...just not in your own family.
On a happier note, I met someone. She's amazing and incredibly cryptic which I find quite pleasing.
The End.
P.s. The next person to call me emo will be smothered to death with their own pillow while they sleep. Thank you.
-Preston.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
On the road again.
Well hello everyone. =}
Today has been a lazy day, I work later but other than that I haven't done much.
I'd say it'll be about a month before I move again.
I think i'm going to Seattle then on to california.
I'll know when I get there.
-Preston.
Today has been a lazy day, I work later but other than that I haven't done much.
I'd say it'll be about a month before I move again.
I think i'm going to Seattle then on to california.
I'll know when I get there.
-Preston.
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